Celibacy

Let's talk sex... my favourite. So, I won't categorize myself as a nympho, but I've told I'm nympho a few times. A little bit of a freak. But I'm definitely not one of those people who sleeps around. Not my jam. I don't enjoy it. I usually only and ever am with someone that I'm with, some sort of exclusivity/relationship. There has to be comfort there, or else it's not just not happening. I can be attracted to someone, but to go to bed with them is another thing all together. There has to be some sort of something, as though it is going somewhere.

And that's for a few reasons, most basic one of them all is body count, the other is good sex. For me sex is not enjoyable unless there is something there, because I can't let loose. And if I can't let loose then what's the point?! I'm not a half-ass type person. You either go big or go home. And yes of course, I've had instances in which I've had to tame the beast inside me, as not every relationship has been as adventurous as others. But nevertheless you love the person and slowly work on opening them up, it takes time, it's process. And to be honest, there really is nothing like finding and having someone who is your sexual match. It's life changing.

Sex is so much more than just sex... it is gateway to the soul. It's how you really know someone, it is how you feel into someone. The passion and the flow of both. The understanding of each other's wants and needs, and not just on a sexual level but spiritual level. What sets their soul on fire?! Because that is where the magic is... that's what makes it go from good sex to great sex. As it is all an exchange... an exchange of energy. And for me, I value that energy in the highest, which is another reason why I don't give it out. For you won't exchange $100 bill for a $10 shirt. I'm not saying my sex is on fire, I'm simply stating that our energy is valuable and ought not to be handed out all willy nilly. As you are only devaluing it... male or female... or non gender specific.

There is this misconception that having sex with whoever, whenever, however is powerful and yes it is in a way, but not actually. Because you are giving your energy away, you're exchanging with someone else's. And who knows what their energy holds?! Sex is literally the allowance of someone plugging into us or us plugging into them... so I mean, what are you plugging into or allowing to be plugged into you?! Because every time something is plugged in, you are taking and receiving, so what are you taking and what are you receiving?! Is it good or is it bad?! And we aren't talking about the sex, being good or bad, we are talking about what the soul carries.

So many of us walk around wondering why life is what it is, confused and lost, not realizing how many times they have given their energy away replacing it with someone else's... of course you're confused and lost, all you have are pieces scattered in others along with bits of you. You're not a complete puzzle. And more, we do that, the more we give ourselves away, leaving us with less of ourselves and more of everyone else.

And that's probably the main reason as to why I don't sleep around, my energy isn't to be shared with someone who it going to take it and go. Just as my money isn't to be shared with someone who is it going to run away with it. You can't be whole, if all you do is give it away. Just like you can't save, if all you do is spend. There will always be a gap. And we can pretend that it's for this and that, but if all we doing it handing ourselves like a piece of cake, eventually there won't be anything left. And all you will have are pieces of different cakes as one... and that's not a cake. That's crumbs. And try making a cake from crumbs?! I'm sure it's possible, but it'll take a whole lot of effort, especially when you had the full cake all along, you just gave it away in exchange for crumbs... pieces of other people's cake.

So for me, I choose celibacy. Whenever I'm not in a relationship, I'm celibate. I see no point in giving my cake away, I don't want a multi favoured cake. I want my cake. Plain and simple. And as much as I love sex, I love myself much more. Too much to not give it away, I will share. But never give it. And what I mean by sharing is relationship, it is an equal exchange, they are sharing theirs and you're sharing yours. And you know who you are sharing with, you know what is being exchanged... because again it is more than just sex, it's the energy and what that energy carries. Because you in turn will carry it too. Hence the importance of knowing and not just doing. As their baggage becomes yours and vice versa. So unless you're sharing a life, or some sort of something, you won't have a way to release the weight.

I've gone four years without sex, and currently I'm over a year without sex. And I love it. It sucks not getting some, and I feel sorry for the next man who walks into my life, as there is build up. But I much rather offer them a full cake, than a piece of the pie. It ensures that the exchange will be one worth having and not simply one worth nothing. Because valuable is something if all have had it?! How desirable is something if all can claim it?! Again, man or woman, non gender specific. Exclusivity is what determines value. And your accessibility is what guarantees that exclusivity.

No one cares for that which everyone can afford, they care more about that which no one can. That's why people are more amazed with private yachts than a paddle boat. And you can't be a paddle boat, wondering why you don't have a motor?! I'm sure you can pimp your ride, but your ride won't ever appear as a yacht. And that's why it's important to understand the significance of sexual exchange. It's not just a mere exchange, it's exchange that takes more than what it gives. And unless you are in a place of balance, will balance be restored. Other than that you're just handing out bills wanting to be rich and that's the quickest way to poverty.

So look at sex as our spiritual thermometer, or better yet, your soul's wallet. It starts fully loaded, and with each body count it depletes... more and more. Slowly leaving you broke, confused and lost. Wondering why you have every other currency but your own. And that's what happens when we exchange on unbalanced ground.

But to each other own. I just know, I rather a wallet with funds I can use, rather than those I can't... I rather know what I'm carrying, then not. Most importantly, I rather know the state of that which is being plugged in, as you shouldn't ever underestimate the affects a virus.

A malfunctioning port/usb just might be the death of a hard drive... as what you take in is what you consume, and what you consume is what makes you. And if what you have is everything but pieces of you, than who are you, if not everyone else?!