Openness?!
One of the things I’ve battled most, is the idea… this thought of being ‘naive’. Growing up my family used to forced that down my throat… I always gave too much, always saw the good and not the bad. For they say you see the world as you are… and I’m not someone who sees the bad. I’m a tad bit filled with toxic positivity. I will always find some form of light within the darkness. It’s a survival tactic for me, along with the curious mind and a stubborn head… because I mean… you don’t know, until you know.
And the funny thing is, it doesn’t matter how many times or what it is shown, if there is a light… I will go. Even if it is just flicker… if I see it, I will try everything to illuminate it, even if it costs me… me. I will take the fall and sacrifice myself in hopes that should I stand by you in the darkness, you will acknowledge the light. Sad part is, I’m sacrifice.
The price that is lost. Soon to found, but never knowing when… I teach the lessons, yet don’t ever receive the reward. So I guess I am naive…
But I’m not. I just don’t let my soul by tainted by the pain, hurt and suffering others have imposed. For years, I’ve been fed this narrative that I’m weak… I’m naive… but no. I’m not weak, I’m strong, stronger than most, because I’m able to still love after it all. I’m able to not judge and criticize after it all. I’m capable of still opening my heart, regardless it all.
So does that make me naive or does it make me welcoming?! Does that have me restricting life or living life?! Does it have me treating everyone individually or in general?! Because I much rather hurt myself, than hurt anyone else with my judgment…
For I know what it is like… life on the other side… fighting and threading water to be seen and understand as something more to be disregarded as something less. I wouldn’t ever be a part of such demise…
The problem is, most people forget where the came from and they judge from their status, neglecting to remember their starting point. For they weren’t ever where they are now, and yet they judge, assuming all while refusing the acknowledge. And that’s the difference…
Granted that, one isn’t naive for seeing the good…. but rather, one is naive for assuming the bad. For the definition of ‘naive’ is to be influenced… and if you have clearly been proven wrong you aren’t influence to believing right, but if you have continuously proven wrong, you are of influence to not believe right. And that is some fuckery right there!!!
So NO, I’m not naive. I just believe… I believe in the light the shines. And I won’t ever let what I’ve endured impact who it is I am. And I’ve endured. Some of which I’m surprised I made it. But I’m here and still going… treating every new experience as a new experience, because it is… no two moments in life are the same. And it is not to say you can’t learn, it’s to say that you won’t let the influence impede on the experience.
Because regardless there is always a lesson learnt. Something to be taken away. And yes, you may hurt and you may feel… feel more than you want… but it will give more than you can imagine. As growth happens through expansion and expansion doesn’t happen without cost. So I much rather gave myself, then someone else…
I learn the hard way… but when I learn from one, I learn quite a sum, and not for all… only for one. And even then, I don’t learn for none. Tongue twister, I know. But all is new. And should be treated as such…
