Censored?!
Being censored is probably one of the worst feelings in the world, especially after fighting yourself for so long to accept yourself. People think it is easy. As though, acceptance of who it is you are, to what it is you are, to how it is and why it is you are… judgment is everywhere.
The people you think accept you, are those censoring you… ‘watching out’ for you. Yet not realizing that truth has been the vary thing that has gained the respect you now have today… vulnerability put you where you are today. Standing where you are with all the possibilities and opportunities available. And not because you shared, but because you were real. It wasn’t hiding and concealing that made you… it was truth. Lack of fear. Ownership. Acknowledgement.
For it isn’t in avoidance that we find ourselves… our true power… it is in facing reality. The facts are the facts. You can sugar coat all you want, but the truth is only one. And you are either honest or not?! Fuck judgment. Lies are lies and they always catch up. I’m not saying go out there and tell your business to the world. But what I am saying is don’t lie about it or try to conceal it. It will not only have you denying the reality of it all, but it will keep you from moving forward.
There is a reason why the first step is admitting you have a problem…
The thing is most of us redirect the problem, never wanting to see it eye to eye. Deflecting and blaming… and in most cases projecting and that gets you no where. We think we are winning by hiding… face your truth. Yes, be private, but don’t play pretend. And of course, there are things people don’t need to know, but that is why they don’t need to be volunteered. There is a difference between sharing your shit and owning your shit…
You see, acceptance requires owning your shit, not sharing your shit…. and owning your shit does not mean sharing your shit, it means owning it. If someone asks you, someone reminds you, someone brings it up… it means you own it, you acknowledge and say ‘yea I did it’…. that is ownership.
I’m over censoring myself, and I have been for quite a while. Because I’ve spent most of my life being whatever everyone wanted… needed me to be. I think it’s more of the fact that I’m just over the tip-toe… just want to be real. For goodness sakes, those who know it all and witnessed it all, accept and love me as they have seen my growth. So why would I now deny myself to fit someone’s illusion of who it is they think they are?! Especially when they themselves aren’t certain of what that is…
I am who I am. And I have made the mistakes I made. I have hurt, not only myself, but others and not intentionally. But it happened. I’ve walked in shame for far too long to now have it shadow over me from one who has yet to accept themselves. Accept their faults and embrace their strengths. I mean… I’ve passed that road and forgiven myself. I can’t change that which has been done, I can only accept and I must accept so that I can move forward. There is no strength in censoring yourself after all you have done to and for… self love, or should I say, self-awareness. Acceptance is key. And being censored isn’t acknowledgement, it isn’t understanding nor consideration… it is denial… rejection…
And that… that hurts, especially when one has rejected themselves for so long…
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