Why is it that we must prove ourselves before others can have faith… believe in us?! Why is that self avocation can’t be enough?! Why is it that we can’t just believe?! Feed into the dream and trust its success?! Why must we doubt?! As thought it isn’t possible, when really it is?! Why?!

It breaks my heart knowing… thinking of the lack of belief in my purpose. Because this is my purpose… my purpose is to write, to share knowledge and love, to enlighten and create through ways in which come from all avenues. Because I wish I had the knowledge, I wish I had the fast track, but I didn’t.

It took me years, heart aches and heart break, downfalls and uprises, to learn what I learnt. It wasn’t fun. But had I had a manual, a guideline, things could have been different. And so here I am…

After all the bulshit providing that guideline and still being questioned on its worth… when I am its worth. I’m a walking proven fact of its worth, as are others, and yet… here I am with questions and concerns…

As though I have cheerleaders with pompoms ready to put their costumes away… cheering for the sake it, rather than the belief in it. And I don’t know what’s worst. The not believing or the pretending… 

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